I've discovered recently (or is it again?) that I have one. Actually, I don't think it's an issue at all. I like to be in control - of MY life, MY art, MY decisions. That's all. Is that an issue? I don't think so. I can compromise, but I find that compromise comes easiest to me about things I don't care much about. The things about which I am really passionate and have strong opinions - like my art, my house, or my dog, for example - those are things about which I want to be the sole decision-maker. I don't want to compromise. I don't want to have to meet in the middle, or spend my time doing something out of obligation rather than something born of natural desire.
Of course, I've mentioned in previous posts that I am well aware that control of any sort is an illusion. How often do I get up in the morning and mentally plan how my day will unfold, only to find it doesn't work that way? To some extent, every day. I know that there are a billion details beyond my control - to me, this is another argument to hang on to as much of the illusion as I can.
All this, and yet I consider myself a pretty easy-going person. There are just a few things about which I have become very protective lately. My art - which is coming from a very personal place these days, so I am protective of the source and of the motivation. I want to share it, and I plan to -- but how and when? I just haven't decided yet. And my time - I never have enough to do all that I want. Does anyone??
In the meantime, here are some journal pages from my overnight in the country with Debbie. We also did a collaborative painting, but I forgot to take a photo. (FYI a collaborative painting is definitely a surrender of control!!!)
Footnote: It has been pointed out to me that my recent change in marital status could be part of my current control "thing." It is amazing how quickly one can get used to not having to consult with another human being when making decisions.
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